Summer

NSFW summer Flickr Babe.

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Something Happened

I don’t know when it happened, but it did. Sometime between the opening of theGames and the first Canada-USA hockey game, something caught fire in Vancouver.

I was always a bit of a square as a kid. The 70s were a hangover from the 60s, and peace and love was the vibe. People were anti-military, anti-establishment, and anti-nationalist. While everyone in school had long hair and spouted peace and love (even if they didn’t practice it), I belonged to Air Cadets and showed up at every Remembrance Day ceremony.

In Canada, we also had a massive inferiority complex. In the 1970s, the founding of our nation was just beyond living memory, and the most recently added part, Newfoundland and Labrador, had only been part of the nation for 20 years. We were (and are) still feeling our way toward nationhood, and we were like the scrawny little brother to the star quarterback.

When I was a kid nobody sang the national anthem. You could barely get people to shuffle to their feet when it started, and they’d often talk openly during the song. They’d slouch and adopt world-weary and bored expressions. Canadians were modest, but it was in many ways because Canadians felt they had a lot to be modest about. We were always a long way second best in North America, the country that people had to be reminded existed.

That has changed in the last ten years. I have attended Remembrance Day ceremonies almost every year, and attendance fell to a low sometime in the early 90’s, when people who had been old enough to fight in World War II, or to be married to or have grown up with those who did started to die off. But about 10 or 12 years ago, attendance started to rise, and it has risen every year since, until this last year there were probably 500 people at the cheesy little cenotaph in our adopted town, and at the Vancouver main ceremony, there were probably 10,000, where I had been one of less than 1000 around 1990.

And people have started singing the national anthem. Over the last few years, you hear it more and more. I used to just sing the words quietly to myself, not wanting to disturb the mute apathy around me, but now I sing out loud. And, probably, off-key. There’s a reason Mrs Whatshername put me into the ‘appearances-only’ part of the grade 4 choir.

But I have never seen anything like what happened at the Vancouver Games. Somewhere in the first week, a fire caught in the damp underbrush of Vancouver’s soul, and it burst into a flame of red and white and black. There has to have been one of those tipping points somewhere, but I don’t know where or what it was.  I just remember going out onto the street and realizing that at least a quarter of the people on the street were wearing red and white, hockey jerseys and Canadian Olympic team wear, flags and maple leaves… they were everywhere. And they weren’t all people geared up for an event. There were ordinary working schmoes like me wearing their pride on their backs.

Some people have suggested that this was the result of the much-babbled-about ‘Own the Podium’ program, which was poorly named and marketed, but I don’t think so. I think there is much more to it than that.

As a nation, Canada has been in the shadow of its much larger brother since it was founded. We have a national inferiority complex. As a people, we are starting to get over that, to realize that we do have a place in the world. We aren’t a sort of socialist 51st almost-state. We do many things right, and we do many things better than our giant neighbor.

We aren’t better than they are, but we’ve started to realize that we’re just as good. For someone like me, who lived through the period where everything was better in the USA, this is bit of a revelation.

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A Practical Joke

I’ve thought of what must be the most elaborate practical joke ever.

  1. Create a company. It doesn’t matter what it does, could be anything. But you want it to be a smallish company.
  2. The company must be named Vandelay Industries.
  3. Hire and fire and endure turnover. You want a lot of people coming and going. Perhaps, for this reason, you should start an IT company.
  4. Allow the company to go out of business. Take all the cash and head for Brazil, maybe, or do what other people do and award yourself salary and bonuses sufficient to bankrupt the company.
  5. Now, all those people who used to work at the company will put Vandelay Industries on their resumes, and nobody will believe them! They’ll never even be interviewed, because who would interview an obvious liar?
  6. From your large house in Calgary or your 400 SF apartment in Vancouver, laugh at all the people who are now unemployable.

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An Olympian Event

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While Dean was fetching HA1.0 on Thursday, I took HA’s 2.0 and 3.0 to a Victory Celebration (also called a medal ceremony by lesser mortals) with my folks.

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Just outside BC Place, our final destination, we joined a large crowd watching the last 5 minutes of the Canada-US women’s hockey game, where our girls kicked American butt for the gold:

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HA3.0 found the proceedings a little slow, but we were there when the Canadian women’s bobsled teams were awarded Gold and Silver:

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There was much screaming and cheering – 2 days later, my voice has still not recovered.

It was Manitoba Night (apparently every province gets a Night) and the entertainment was provided by one Burton Cummings, whose musical stylings were part of my youth. It was getting late, so we only stayed for the first 4 songs, but the kids can now say they’ve been to their first rock concert!

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Please note: this picture was actually taken before the ceremony started, and in no way represents the seething mass of humanity who were down on the floor for the actual concert. I didn’t get any pics of Burton and his laser pyrotechnics.

On the way back to my folks’ place, we walked along the waterfront to see the Olympic cauldron:

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My apologies for the dubious quality of the pictures. My beloved camera has died, and I took these on my 8-year-old CoolPix.

Olympic Fever

We are temporarily 5 – HouseApe 1.0 has joined us for the weekend – and we are going to go in to Vancouver (we live 50 miles from Vancouver itself) for the day to see stuff like a bunch of rubbernecking rubes.

I just hope the rain isn’t too bad. We have my office to use if we need bathrooms or a quiet place to sit down for a while. We know we won’t get in to any of the official venues but there is just so much street life to see.

I don’t want to promise anything, but y’all may get a picathon next week.

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Black And White

NSFW- at least for restrictive work.

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Olympic Update

I realize that I haven’t had much to say about the Olympics. We didn’t get tickets to anything: the marquee events were out of reach, and anything else had to be considered in light of the attention span of an 8 year old who thought that the sports car races were boring after about 15 minutes.

But I have to say that having the Olympics here has been very cool indeed. I just went out for a coffee and saw official jackets from Belgium, Holland, Tajikistan, the United States, Russia, Slovakia, and Germany.

Oh, and Finland. Two tall Finnish looking fellows wearing blue and white jackets with ‘FINLAND’ across the back were walking with a young woman with white-blonde hair and skin-tight black leather pants. I was so enchanted I walked a half-block past the coffee place.

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What An Interview With Tiger Woods Would Look Like If Tiger Woods Were Me

Which he isn’t. Besides, Tiger is more interested in getting back some of his sweet lost endorsement bazillions than he is in being a man.

Anyway.

Reporter: Tiger, did you have an affair with (insert name of bimbo-of-the-week)?

MATW1: None of your goddam business.

Reporter: What have you got to say to all your disappointed fans?

MATW: Mind your own goddam business.

Reporter: There are rumours that you and (whatever Woods’ wife’s name is, can’t be bothered to look it up) are seeking sex counselling. Any truth to that?

MATW: Perhaps I didn’t make myself clear: mind your own goddam business.


  1. Me As Tiger Woods

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Pure Gold

I know that if I had a product to sell, I’d be on the phone to Ashleigh McIvor’s agent. She brings new meaning to wholesome.

Y’all probably remember that I have a weak spot for tomboys, but a tall, beautiful Olympic gold medal skier who poses barefoot? Yow.

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Nothing Is Ever Finished

I work for a company that never finishes anything, where you’re halfway through the last ohmigod-it-must-be-done-now when the next oh-help-I’m-pissing-my-pants-this-has-to-go-in-ASAP comes along. So I’m continually bouncing from half-completed project to half-completed project, and trying to remember what the hell I’m doing a good part of the time.

This frantic tail-chasing holds true with infrastructure, too, and so we have a technical alert system that doesn’t talk to any other system, and that was 90% developed before being hurled into production. As a result, it spams relentlessly, and you have to put up with minor irritations like not knowing how long a string you can put in before the client blows chunks across your screen, and not knowing whether or not the last change you put in worked or not. This results in even more spam.

But it doesn’t stop there. For various reasons, we have been split and resplit into new companies, and so now I have six different email addresses and three possible domains, because every time there’s a new company, only about 80-90% of the system are moved over. This makes things like software licencing a major challenge – if the company you’re dealing with is savvy, they say, hey, why are you emailing us from a different domain? Etc.

I have just spent 4 hours trying to install an upgrade to the data modeling software. It isn’t all our fault: the upgrade procedure is both Byzantine and poorly documented, but our lack of focus, follow-through,and good practice certainly don’t help.

On the other hand, I placed 2nd in the company poker tournament and won a bottle of wine in addition to $10. So maybe I’ll just get pissed and find myself a $10 hooker. Better yet, 2 $5 ones!

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