Oscar Night.

I never watch this self-aggrandizing schlock, but I’m such a LOTR freak (I’m not as bad as the mutants who show up at the theatre dressed up as Frodo) that I am drawn to the spectacle.

Catherine Zeta-Jones looks absolutely fabulous in red. She must be into fetish wear: she’s wearing a corset that’s cinched up to HERE. Tim Robbins should have glanced in the mirror before he left. He looks like he’s trying to look 15 again.

Angelina Jolie looks like a very, VERY expensive call girl. And she is excited to see us. Cool. It takes a naturally fabulous rack to carry a dress like that off.

LOTR wins for art direction.

And costumes.

And technical achievement.

And makeup.

And sound mixing.

Score.

Sound editing.

Song.

Oh man, is Charlize Theron a lovely girl or what? What the heck is that thing that Uma Thurman is wearing? It looks like she was dressed by a five year old.

Adapted screenplay.

Best director.

Picture.

Whew, 11/11. About time.